What experiences have you had that you can attribute to a higher power? That would have to be my son, Ethan.  He was born in 1991.  The family we had blended together, was coming loose at the seams.  They were all teenagers, or soon would be.  And all of them were unhappy about life.  Our lives were a mess.  And it showed.  David would come home every night, and be mad about something.  Worse than usual.  I couldn’t do anything right, and this just wasn’t like him.  He usually looked beyond my shortcomings. 

My normal standard course of action is to “run”.  Get out.  Doesn’t matter if I still love all parties concerned, I just wanted the situation to go away.  So, I started making plans.  I sought a lawyer.  The plan was… divorce.  I was just waiting for the “Right” time.  And then a higher power — my God, my Comforter — had a better answer.  He not only say “yesterday”, but he saw today, and beyond.   He saw where my life would be 10 years down the road. 

Instead of answering my prayers to see me through a divorce — he did something that he hadn’t allowed before.  I became pregnant.  I was on the Pill, just as I had been from the very beginning.  Nothing had changed.  So why now.  Because, we needed this child in our lives.  This baby.  This new beginning.  And, after Ethan was born, slowly, the family came together.  The girls wanted to come first.  It didn’t matter that it was because of the baby.  At least they weren’t playing games to keep from coming.  And the boys accepted the new one in their lives.  They got to be BIG brothers.   There was such a change, in more ways than one after Ethan was born.

And now?  12 years down the road, I thank my “higher power” — my God– for this child.  Our lives have changed, our jobs have changed, there is very little resemblance to that life we had 12 years ago.  David now is in a profession that takes him away from home alot.  But, I can accept and deal with it, because I still have this child at home.  If it weren’t for him, then the “empty nest” would be such a vivid thing, and I’m not sure I am ready for that just yet.   Even though I get mad at him, get frustrated, I am still very glad I still have this chance to be a mother, to make a difference, and to not be alone…not just yet.