Posted by Prairierose on Apr 25, 2005
Its been another one of those busy days. The hour that I usually have been the two jobs, I didn’t have today. I was busy running errands for David. My aunt had wanted me to come over at 1:00 and reconcile her checkbook, but — thinking I would have that time to myself, asked her if I could come over later today to do it. Looks like I wouldn’t have made it over there either way.
Ran the errands, and then worked 3 hours at to the office. David and I were suposed to work on a quarterly report that due at the end of this week. But the way his phones rang, we never got to it. Looks like it was a typical Monday for every one.
I picked Ethan up from school at 5:00, dropped him off at the house and then went over to my aunt’s house and worked on her checkbook for awhile. Which, in hindsite, I’m glad I did it because she did have an error. Could have caused problems if I hadn’t gotten over there in a timely manner.
Home to fix supper, watch a little bit of TV with David — and now a quick entry and off to bed. I have a couple of emails I really want to do as well, but think I’ll save them for tomorrow. Hopefully, things will be a bit calmer tomorrow.
Yesterday was a busy — but awesome day. In more ways than one. One of our boys in Ethan’s Scout troop became an Eagle, and his ceremony was yesterday. It was a very nice, very impressive ceremony. The highlight of my day thought was — Austin’s Cub Master from the Cub Scout days was there. Ok. Yeah? what was the big deal about that? He was a very dear friend of mine, and we had lost touch when they moved away. In the back of my mind, I wondered whether or not he would be there — and then dismissed the idea. He lives 5 hours away. It was a long time ago. Part of my responsibilities of yesterday was helping with the reception. So, we didn’t get up to the ceremony until just a few minutes before it was to start. It just made my day to see him. He gave me a big hug, and we chatted and talked and talked some more until it was time to start. After the ceremony and reception, David and I invited him to supper before he headed back, which he accepted. Time stood still for a brief time. It was like he had never moved away. The comfortable feeling of talking and sharing all the “goings on” in our lives — there wasn’t a break in converstation, nor any awkward moments of not knowing what to say. It was all just very comfortable, and it just totally made my day. And I am determined not to lose touch again!
I also had a “lightbulb” moment as I thought about how comfortable it felt, to be talking to an old friend again. Things just seem to be “out of joint” right now. I seem to be going in circles, not able to focus or concentrate or accomplish the things I want to accomplish. I feel like I am more out of control now than I have ever been — even though I’m not doing things even close to the level of self destruction that I used to do. I realized that — in the past 4 to 5 years — I have lost 3 very important “constants” in my life. Ruth has moved. John has moved. And my mom died. These 3 people played very important roles in my life. They were my support system. They were true friends, and just made me feel almost whole. When John moved, we lost contact. Ruth and I stayed in close contact — working hard at it, and it was a very good feeling. But then some things happened last summer that I am responsible for, and the closeness is now awkward, and questionable. And I don’t know how to get it back. Siting next to John yesterday, the clock turned back for just a brief moment, I felt … like a missing piece had been put in place. It made me realize that I had been blessed in my life with 2 super wonderful friends that I had interaction with frequently, in a face to face fashion, as well as having my mom in my everyday life. And now? I have none. I have put up a wall and not allowed myself to form any close or face to face friendships to replace these 2 people. Of course there is no way to replace them, but I guess what I am trying to say is take the role of having a close friend in the same town. Or at least friendships with others. That is way is missing in my life. Replaced with a busy schedule of 2 jobs and a semi-dependent aunt. Its not a bad life, just one very different than 4 years ago.
Now that i have made this realization, maybe I can move forward. Now that I know what that missing piece is, I can change things. Or work harder at re-establishing those old friendships, even though they might be long distance. This goes beyond shopping out of control or overeating, or any of those other self destructive things I used to do, … still do on pccasion. For the first time in a long time, I felt that sense of contentment, of peace inside. For a brief moment, but nonetheless a very cherished moment.
Blessings to all —
Posted by Prairierose on Apr 24, 2005
It Pays To Be Nice
You hear about road rage and people doing awful things out of anger. I get angry myself. Didn’t I just do an entry a few days ago about wanting to scream? But….for the most part, my nature is to be laid back, be considerate of others, and above all be patient. Which, in itself has its own rewards. But on occasion, I am reward materially for my patience. For my “niceness”. I have gotten a coupon for a free pizza — because when we ordered, they didn’t have what we wanted. Ok. No big deal. We ordered something else. But when we went to pick it up, the manager gave me a coupon for a free pizza the next time we came in — apparently everyone else had been rude, angry, and just downright “no nice” when they were told they couldn’t get what they wanted. She said it was nice to have someone who was “OK” with it.
Granted, there are time when you can’t be a doormat, and you need to stand up for what is right. But — not being able to get the kind of pizza you want …. don’t take it out on the people who work there. Choose your battles, and use your anger somwhere else.
The pizza incident was a couple years ago. Every morning, just about, I stop at this one convience store to ….. either get a cup of ice or a cup of ice and Diet Pepsi.m Its not cubed ice. Its crushed ice, kinda. I don’t know, but I am just really hooked on it. And if you take in your own cup, or reuse one of theirs, the ice doesn’t cost anything — and I’ve do that periodically as well. But, the fact is — I’m in there most every day. Its usually the same girl behind the counter, and she is always friendly, and so am I.
Yesterday morning, I walked in, went over to to the fountain, and it said “Ice machine - Out of order” - or something to that effect. They have two fountains, so I turned to the other one, settling on the cubed ice. Same sign. Ok. Now what do I do? I hesitated for a minute, and then decided I’d go get a cold bottle of water or Diet Pepsi, and get ice at the church for the morning. The girl behind the counter saw my hesistation, and before I had taken no more than a step or two, she told me try the ice machine. That it might have frozen enough to get me a cup of it.
I smiled, and told her thank you — and sure enough …. like manna from heaven, the ice flowed out (the GOOD ice, not the cubed ice) and I got my morning cup of ice. As I turned around to go pay for it — the guy comes out of the bathroom. There had been a cup on the counter there, filled to the brim with pop. No ice. Apparently, it was his. He looks at me and says, “oh man, where did you get the ice???” I felt really bad. I told him and I heard him mutter “well, thats nice to know AFTER I get my pop”. I felt bad because the girl behind the counter had done something nice for me …. and then it started the chain reaction of sorts. If she had wanted to guy to know about trying the ice machine, she would have told him. I just think she was nice to me because we frequent there so much (both David and I), and it wasn’t something she would have told all her customers. But. He got his ice. I got mine, and there wasn’t anyone else in the store, so maybe that gave it a little more time to freeze — and the sign kept everyone else away.
And today, its back in ordre:) Yeah! I like my ice!
Not As It Seems
Don’t let me fool ya though. I’m not all “nice-nice”. I have a couple of protected entrys I need to do. Emotions are lying just below the surface that I need to figure out.
Talent Show
We attended a FCCLA Talent Show last night. The kids in Middle School that belong to FCCLA got together and put on a talent show. We have some real talent in these kids. Ethan didn’t do a solo — I think mostly because to do one, you need a background CD, and we’ve just never gone that route with him yet. For the most part, he sings Accapello (spelling?) (i.e. without any kind of music to accompany him). The solo he did at the vocal contest, his music teacher played the piano. So, he is “branching out”. This talent show was just for fun — to share with the parents. On May 7th, we have a “celebration” of sorts downtown, with craft booths and a car show, and lots of other activities. And there is a talent show part there, and there is MONEY involved:) So, we need to see what Ethan can work up. Either that, or he’s thinking they could do the duet they did at the talent show. That was pretty good. Several people commented to us as we walked in, or were mingling afterwards, at how well Ethan did at the vocal contest. Very confident. Very much on key. You just see on the judge’s face they like it. I wasn’t the only parent not there — matter of fact, on a few went. But I kinda wish now we would have worked it out and gone. His picture was in last night’s paper. I will post that in a seperate entry.
I also am going to make a new page at my web page called “In The News”. Find a scrapbook type layout/graphics, and then the only things that will go there is when Ethan is in the newspaper…which seems to be fairly often. He said he’ll be in the paper again this Tuesday — for getting Exzemplary on the State tests (50 out of the 300 kids in Middle School achieved this). Our newspaper is “on line”, so its not too hard to get it put on line. I’ve called them and asked permission to use their stuff on my web page, as long as I give them credit for it, and they didn’t have a problem with it.
Other Notes
I have several other notes I wanted to write about — but it is now Sunday and I still dont’ have a whole lot of time. So, I’m going to “publish” this now and save those other notes for later.
Posted by Prairierose on Apr 21, 2005
di·lem·ma 
( P ) Pronunciation Key (d
-l
m
)
n.
- A situation that requires a choice between options that are or seem equally unfavorable or mutually exclusive.
- Usage Problem. A problem that seems to defy a satisfactory solution.
- Logic. An argument that presents two alternatives, each of which has the same consequence.
I am faced with making a choice. I am part of our Youth Ministry Team at church. We meet, once a month, to make decisions and report planning efforts of the different youth programs within the church.
Last night, we had a “special” meeting — called together for a specific reason. We hired a part time youth minister in November. Apparently, he’s not “working out”. We were all given evaluations, and the bottom line is, “he hasn’t met our expectations” and there for, we are not renewing his contract. We are though, extending it until school is out, and just let it seem like the natural progression ….that the youth programs stop for the summer.
I really don’t know how to process all of this. I do know that I did step outside of my “little box” and did not go along with general consesus. I voiced my opinion, and threw out other alternatives. And I was surprised that a few others agreed. I may stand alone, but I think we, as a church, have let the youth minister down. Yes, there are many many things we have asked him to do, and he’s hasn’t quite done them like we expected. For awhile, the Jr. High and Sr. High group were just totally out of control. But that has turned around some. We have lost some of the youth, but we still maintain a 20-25 kid average. But not having any kind of youth program, we will lose 100%.
From an “business” standpoint, yes, I agree …. we hired him to do a job, and according to our guidelines, he hasn’t fulfilled what we expected. But my heart says to keep him. He’s just 21 years old. A kid himself. But he’s still “mold-able”. He has such a passion for our kids, and I think with time and maturity, and some organizational skills, there is real potential there.
Unfortunately, we aren’t giving him that chance. His last meeting with the youth will be May 19. Ethan cried. I wanted to protect him — not let him know what was going on. But Ethan is part of the Youth Ministry Team, and he wasn’t allowed to attend this meeting, so I didn’t have any choice but to fill him in on a few of the details.
My dilemma? this youth minister knows we had this meeting last night. We have worked closely together over the months, and I really do like him. He wants to know the outcome of the meeting. All instincts tell me that I shoudln’t say anything. Let the Youth Ministry Team leader “fill him in” on Sunday. And yet — he is asking me point blank. I want to tell him. But….after he’s gone, I’m still here. And I am afraid of the repercusions if the elders were to find out that I discussed with him the details of the meeting.
And yet, putting myself in his shoes….I would want to know, just as he does. We knew we were having this meeting. Maybe we should have asked them to stay around so they could talk to him after the meeting. I dont’ know. I’m just trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation.
The mom in me — the “seeing good in everyone”, the “give him another chance” personality I have makes this a very difficult situation to deal with. I see so much potential in him. Its that “catch 22″ old adage — we aren’t retaining him because he doesn’t have “the experience” we are looking for — and yet, how does someone still in college gain experience? I know I am looking at this with blinders are. There are some very specific things that we have asked him to do, and they were don’t done. He signed a contract agreeing to do these things. And it hasn’t happened.
I see both sides. It just hard to keep saying “good-bye”. I was in the same “in the middle” situation with our last youth minister. How much do I share? how much do I tell them? Its not that I go running to them saying “guess what — I know something you dont’ know. Guess what so and so said about you”. Confidentality is a very big deal within the office of the church, and I do believe that if asked, our minister would rate me highly in this area. He trusts me with confindental information. So this meeting fall intot hat category? But when these youth minsters ask me point blank questions about themselves and their standing in the church, in their job …. what do I do? Saying I don’t know is a lie. And telling them is — a breach of confidence? I don’t know.
The bottom line is — to pray. God has a plan for all of us. I do believe that God has great things in store for this special person he has brought into our lives for a short time. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much. Or that I have to deal with my son and the loss of another “adult figure” in his life. I know, I know. Thats all part of life. But I dont’ like having a part in it.
Blessings to all.
