A Prairie View

{Day 5} Wake Up!

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.”

The best time of my day is early morning. It is that time of day I can almost imagine, almost feel that “all is right” in my world. That I’m fine, that I don’t hurt, that I can breath. Often, I have just woken up from a dream of some kind or the other.

And then I get up — and reality sets in. The pain. The shortness of breath. The effort it takes just to get around.

Its time that I stop dreaming. To make those dreams come true, of life in a body that has other things to do that just survive. I’m ready to wake up and make this dream come true.

Countdown…. 6 days

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Credit: The {21} Day Challenge
Intro: Why the {21} Day Challenge:
Archive: {21} Day Challenge

Thursday 13 - #29

September’s Calendar

1. Look at September’s calendar, I’m thinking I need to invest heavily in Calgon …. I’m sure there are going to be several “Calgon, Take Me Away” moments.

2. Ethan audtioned for not 1, but 2 plays, with a good chance of being in both. One performs in October. The other in November. Translation: Lots of line studying; lots of chauffering back and forth to the school for practices.

3. He is going to the Kansas State Fair with his Barbershop Group to perform there.

4. I’m going to start making weekly trips to Topeka. Its a good thing … but still adds to the calendar of “things going on”.

5. We are going to Topeka sometime this weekend…. to meet a friend I’ve never met, other than through her blog. We go back lots of years. She helped me with my first html questions … and create the “blog monster” you see today with the emphasis on how the blog looks. Hi Becky!!!

6. Course, I’ve noticed she does some changing of her blog look frequently at times too. And she is the one that I often my wonderful banners from. Gotta love her! I’m thinking at this point, when it comes to stuff like our creative streaks…. “if you got it, use it”. Right?

7. Our church isn’t having “choir” this year, but rather is going to try and form some quartets and such. I put my foot down when I heard they were thinking about having quartet practice AFTER Praise Band practice, which is AFTER GAP (youth group). That means, Ethan would be getting home around 10:00 on Wednesday nights.

8. He already is “out” one late night a week, with Barbershop. Its in Topeka, 60 miles away — and he doesn’t get home until 11:00. One night a week isn’t bad, but I’m not going to let him to it 2 nights in a row.

9. And if he doesn’t keep his grades up, he’s not going to do any of it. We made it very clear last night that “all this stuff going on” is fine, but his homework/school work takes priority over everything. And if his grades start slipping, then we are going to start cutting acitivities …and they are goign to be MY choice, not his. He’s got several hours every night, right after school to get homework done, even Barbershop night. So, its just a matter of doing it.

10. The good news is, Scouts is now on Tuesday nights …. so that frees up his Monday nights completely. … unless he gets with the Scout Master to complete some merit badges. But that woudln’t have to be an every week thing.

11. I know he has alot on his plate, but he’s a smart kid, and he can do it, if he just applies himself.

12. Cleaning off the desk has helped. He’s gone in and done his homework all week without being told. There may be hope for hom yet.

13. Hmmmm… now that I look at his list, I realize its not ME that is going to have the Calgon moments…its Ethan. Its just up to me to keep up with his schedule, and making sure his grades stay up so “Officer Mom” can kick behind if things start to slip. Fun. Fun.

How cool is this?

You know that entry I wrote yesterday? for Passing the Torch? Kelly selected it as the entry of the week. And I get this really cool award to put in my sidebar. But thats not why I wrote it. I really like what Kelly is doing, and if you have read any length of time, you know Ethan is an important part of my life, and he definately IS a good kid (even on bad days). In some of my layouts, I have a little section for him in my sidebar. I need to set that back up. This award is for him, not me:)

In Other Words

“I thought about the whole notion of “reproduction,” and what it really means to replicate yourself. Is it merely about the passing on of eyes and chins and hair color? Or is it, rather, the replication of the heart? Do we leave a bigger mark by passing on our genes, or our thoughts?” ~ Shannon Woodward, author of Inconceivable: Finding Peace in the Midst of Infertility ~

As I look at my 15 year old son, my heart breaks. He, like myself, is overweight. More than just a little. I have passed on my bad eating habits, my fat “genes” He was such a cute little boy. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Smart as a whip. Yes, I passed that on to him as well. My love for reading. I love to sing, but lack of confidence holds me back to singing publicly, like he does. But again, the love of singing is something I have passed on him to as well.

“Sing to me Ethan”.

My aunt came in to my life shortly before my mom passed away. With my mom’s death, came the responsibility of looking after her sister, a woman who has never been married, has no kids, and has a multitude of health problems. For a couple years, we played hard and close to the chest, allowing her to stay at home, and praying every time we would have to rush over to her apartment because she was in distress, that we weren’t too late.

Last year, it came time for her to go the nursing home. For all of her health problems, she wasn’t doing what she needed to be doing, and I couldn’t be with her 24/7 to make sure she did. It was wearing me down, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. And it was putting her life in danger. The decision wasn’t mine. Her doctor was the one to put things in motion, and I stood back and let it take its course. She was not happy, but accepted the inevetiable.

This spring, we found out her kidneys have failed even more than they had been. Her kidneys used to work around 35%. Now they were down to 10%, and she was faced with a critical decision. Dialysis was necessary, or life expectancy would be shortened considerably.

She chose “no dialysis” — and began preparing herself for what was to come. A lady who very much needs to be in control. We went to the funeral home, we went through things, we go her “affairs’ in order. She has talked to our minister — she is, pretty basically, ready to die.

Several weekends ago, her blood sugar level went up into the 700’s. She was “out of it” for several days. It was then, she realized, that the end really was close, and she became really really scared. She coudln’t stop crying; and the nurse called us, to see if we could just go sit with her, talk with her, just be with her, as family.

We did. And, as we talked, she said….”Ethan, sing to me”. Ethan is my 15 year old. His love and passion is for the drama and for music. He loves to sing, has sung publically many times. But….could he sing, for an audience of one? for someone who knew she was dying? for someone he had grown to love as much as his grandmother (my mom).

I could see the wheels spinning. Alot of the songs he sings are old time church hymnals. That talk about dying. He didn’t want to sing about dying, and yet ….

He looked into her eyes, opened his mouth, and gave the best performance of his life. He sang Amazing Grace, Old Rugged cross …. and then his favorite …. 3 Wooden Crosses (a song that Randy Travis made famous). That calmed her down. The tears stopped. A smile crossed her face. “I want you to sing those songs at my funeral”. So young to have to face death in such a personal way, and yet, he is facing it like a man.

This courage — this level of compassion…. I would like to think that I have passed that on to him as well. Reproduction is more than having a child. Its taking the best of yourself and instilling in that child what is truly important. Faith in God. Love for others. Tolerance. Patience. You will leave your mark on the world. The footprints continue with your children, and your grandchildren. Footprints dont’ have anything to do with the color of your eyes, or your hair color … or even how big or how small your body is. Marks …. “footprints” are left on this earth by those who chose to pass on the goodness found on this earth. As Christians, we are lucky to have an insruction manual to follow. It is my hope, my prayer … my dream, that my children follow in some of my footsteps, and leave their own mark on this world, one that makes a difference, and one cloaked in goodness and grace.

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(sidenote here: Kelly at Pass the Torch has a weekly meme called “Pass The Torch” — to catch our kids doing something “good” and write about it. This is what I shared with her this week … but it is also a fitting entry for this one as well…so, if you partipate in both memes….yes, part of this entry has come from what I shared there.

Pass The Torch

Kelly believes in our youth and has started a new meme called “Pass the Torch”. The guidelines are simple: Catch ‘em being good — write about a kid/young person you witness doing something right (or smart, or helpful or responsible, etc.) Let me share with you, one time I caught Ethan “being good.”

“Sing to me Ethan”.

My aunt came in to my life shortly before my mom passed away. With my mom’s death, came the responsibility of looking after her sister, a woman who has never been married, has no kids, and has a multitude of health problems. For a couple years, we played hard and close to the chest, allowing her to stay at home, and praying every time we would have to rush over to her apartment because she was in distress, that we weren’t too late.

Last year, it came time for her to go the nursing home. For all of her health problems, she wasn’t doing what she needed to be doing, and I couldn’t be with her 24/7 to make sure she did. It was wearing me down, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. And it was putting her life in danger. The decision wasn’t mine. Her doctor was the one to put things in motion, and I stood back and let it take its course. She was not happy, but accepted the inevetiable.

This spring, we found out her kidneys have failed even more than they had been. Her kidneys used to work around 35%. Now they were down to 10%, and she was faced with a critical decision. Dialysis was necessary, or life expectancy would be shortened considerably.

She chose “no dialysis” — and began preparing herself for what was to come. A lady who very much needs to be in control. We went to the funeral home, we went through things, we go her “affairs’ in order. She has talked to our minister — she is, pretty basically, ready to die.

Several weekends ago, her blood sugar level went up into the 700’s. She was “out of it” for several days. It was then, she realized, that the end really was close, and she became really really scared. She coudln’t stop crying; and the nurse called us, to see if we could just go sit with her, talk with her, just be with her, as family.

We did. And, as we talked, she said….”Ethan, sing to me”. Ethan is my 15 year old. His love and passion is for the drama and for music. He loves to sing, has sung publically many times. But….could he sing, for an audience of one? for someone who knew she was dying? for someone he had grown to love as much as his grandmother (my mom).

I could see the wheels spinning. Alot of the songs he sings are old time church hymnals. That talk about dying. He didn’t want to sing about dying, and yet ….

He looked into her eyes, opened his mouth, and gave the best performance of his life. He sang Amazing Grace, Old Rugged cross …. and then his favorite …. 3 Wooden Cross (a song that Randy Travis made famous). That calmed her down. The tears stopped. A smile crossed her face. “I want you to sing those songs at my funeral”. So young to have to face death in such a personal way, and yet, he is facing it like a man.

{Day 4} Explore. Dream. Discover

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from teh safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Being overweight has been a way of life for as long as I can remember. I thougth I was fat when I was a teenager; but looking at pictures, I wasn’t. I would give anything to be at that weight again. That puts me into that “explore, dream, discover” mode. I can only dream what it would be like. But I am more than willing now to explore the possibility of finding a different way of living. And I believe that I will discover that new person within me. I know I will maintain many of the same inner qualities that I have — that won’t change. I am, for the most part, who I am, thin or fat. But, there are things that, as a large person, does mold me, make me who I am, in the present. And that person will slowly disappear, as the weight disappears. The insecurity will be replaced with a sense of life, of living again.

Its more than just a dream. Its a possiblity, and one that I am going after.

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Credit: The {21} Day Challenge
Intro: Why the {21} Day Challenge:
Archive: {21} Day Challenge

In A Name

Barb at A Chelsea Morning would like to know how we, as bloggers, have come up with our blogging titles. I enjoyed reading through the list of bloggers who had answered, and thought I would do mine as well.

A Prairie View.

Several years ago, when new to computer, my email name was “angelrose” or variations of it. I wasn’t real comfortable with the “angel” part, but the rose part I liked. For one, I love roses. But also, I felt like for so long, I had kept myself closed in, like a rosebud. And, as life went on, being married to David, I began to open more, to blossom, hopefully, someday into a beautiful rose.

David started working for a guy he went to school with — dispatching truck drivers hauling grain. This guy also grows and distributes prairie hay.

Prairie Rose.

I liked the sound of it, and from that point on, my email address was prairierose.

When I got my first domain, “prairierose” was already taken. So, my webhostest suggested “myprairierose”. Worked for me. My homepage is http://www.myprairierose.com.

When I set up a blog here at Wordpress, like many others who have answered this questions … a name…a name…. what to do for a name. Something cute? catchy? I came up with Carolyn’s Corner. Real orginal, uh? But thats what I used — until I tweaked my blog one time to many and did something to it. Actually, looking back now, I probably could have fixed it. But at the time, I thought all was lost, so I deleted and started all over.

I live in Kansas. The midwest. Surrounded by miles and miles of prairieland. On the news, there is a town east of us — Prairieview. When I heard that name, it clicked. A Prairie View. This was my blog, giving the world a view of my life, living in the land of prairies.

Looking back, or rather around me, I wish I had chosen a more “scripture” based name, one that stated my faith a little more soundly. And maybe one of these days, I’ll come across a scripture that will tie in the name with scripture. But for now… I will be happy with A Prairie View.

Front Porch Days

Julies at Everyday Mommy has invited us to sit at her front porch. She has hot chocolate or coffee waiting for us. She would like to know how we are doing today? Did we have a good weekend? She realizes that she doesn’t know much about us and would like for us, her readers, to tell her about our childhood. Do we have a favorite childhood memory.

Yes, I did have a good weekend. You can read about it HERE.

Keeping in the fall theme, brings back memories of recess. The playground now is long gone, moved aside to house more students, more classes. Where we once played as children is now a solid 2 or 3 blocks of school buildings. Where do they go for recess now?

But as a child, our playground was wide open. With lots of trees. Those trees served as bases for Baseball; as a hiding place in playin hide or seek. We ran, we played. We were children. Fall…Autumn…was the best time. I can still hear the crunch of leaves as we run through them. And they had this smell to them. The smell of a fresh new season. We would go out to the playground during class to gather up leaves — for an art project, or a science lesson. Maybe even a craft to make and take home. There were monkey bars and swingsets, merry go rounds, both big and small on our playground, but we could have been just as content without the equipment. I remember playing in the leaves. Trying to catch them as they blew from the trees. Running through them, gathering them up. Picking up one, and examining it. In my child-memory, the leaves were huge. Nature has made them smaller over the years for some reason. We don’t stop and take the time to look at them anymore. To play. To smell or to run through them.

I love Autumn — maybe this year, I will stop and take the time to enjoy the falling leaves. To watch them closely, pick one up, look at it. Play with it. Be a child again.

Sunday

This morning did not out well — I did not feel well at all. But, did get to feeling better as the day progressed, and it turned into a pretty decent day. We got 2 major things accomplished that have been on our “to do” list for awhile. The desk behind the computer desk is now cleared off and ready for use. The computer desk is clear and looking good. I had a couple of kitchen organizational projects I’ve been chipping away at, and I finished that today as well. Emotionally, I am feeling pretty good. Setting sail for a new life has helped my disposition immensely. It will be nice though, when the physical part kicks in. But thats a little hard to do if you haven’t started doing it yet, and I won’t until after September 7. Well, actually ON September 7. I could have gotten an appointment closer to today, but they were for around 3:30, and I didn’t want to do those for a couple of reasons. One, finding out what Ethan has going on that day, when he needs picked up, etc. And two — I’ll have lab work done. And I would need to fast. I would whole lots rather fast until 8:00 AM than I would 3:30 pm. So, waiting the few extra days is probably the better of 2 choices. Plus, I’ll have more money set back for the product. David has agreed to pay for the lab work and EKG, which isn’t a weekly thing, but if I do the program right, should be done at least one a month. I’m going to buy the product with my money … which means really watching what I’m doing … not buying graphics or splurge shopping at Walmart. I need to put my heart and soul into this endeavor, and that means how I spend money as well. It will work if I let it work. But, if I try to work outside the boundaries I have put in place…then the whole thing falls apart. I just have to focus on the goal, and remember how much better I am going to feel. How much more energy I will have, how much better I will feel about myself.

Read More…

{Day 3} Take Action

“You see - in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know! Knowing is not enough! You must take action!”

I am the QUEEN of knowing what to do. Its the “putting into action” part that trips me up every time. However. This time — this “habit” that I centering this (21) day Challenge around — losing weight — I am taking action. Granted, no, I haven’t started watching what I eat, or exercising or anything else that goes along with weight loss.

But. I did make “The Call”. I have set the plan in action. I have an appointment with Dr. Tague on September 7. Several years ago, I worked with them and lost 75 lbs. Then I let life and my mom’s heart attack sidetrack me, and I never saw the journey to the end. I’m not going to let it happen this time around. I know them and the program well enough to know that it does work, you just have to be focused and Just. Do. It.

But, isn’t it that way with anything? I have a seperate blog set up for this journey… haven’t started writing there yet … but I will.

I have taken the 1st step. On September 7, I will take the 2nd step and the beginning of many many more steps to come.

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Quote from The {21} Day Challenge

Imagine My Surprise

Here in Wordpress, you log in, and it takes you to the “dashboard” page, where you can choose from all kinds of things — writing your entry, editing it, adding links, changing already loaded ‘themes”, activating/deactivating plugins, etc. Also on this page, is a list of my last 10 entries, how many entries I’ve done and how many comments I’ve received. There is also a list of people who have “linked” to this blog.

I look at the list, and I can’t help myself. I go check them out. 95% of them have just joined one of the blogging groups I’m in — Christian Women Online, Blogging Chicks, Thursday 13…. So, they aren’t linking to me specifically — its just a “guilt by association” kind of thing. I’m on the blogrolls of all these other groups, and thats why it shows up as being linked by them.

Another 5%, will change their layout, and re-load their blogrolls, so that shows up again, as “being linked’.

AND…every once in awhile, I will find an actual, honest to goodness, link to specifically me. Like When Sandy thanked me for helping her with her layout. Or when CWO featured me as the “blog of the month” awhile back.

Imagine my surprise when I checked this link and found THIS. Even though he’s basically used my own words, I was impressed. I found it to be an interesting blog all the way around, but then, at this point, I was probably a little biased. But I was still impressed.

{Day 2}Trying

No one knows what he can do till he tries” - Publilus Syrus

Time and time again, you will see a success story, alot of times dealing with weight loss, when they will say “If I can do it, so can you”. For so long, I was in a “diet” frame of main, always thinking about it, starting “new” each Monday. But for the last year or so, I have spiraled so far down, that I feel like I have totally given up, to the point of not even trying.

I’m ready to try. To lose weight. To make a difference in my life, so I can make a difference in other lives. To not live a life of physical pain,shortness of breath, of constantly looking around, accessing the situation to see if there are obstacles that could hinder me…whether it be getting around or through somewhere, or sitting down, or many of the other things you encounter when you are large.

I don’t know what I can do until I try. I’m ready to try.

And succeed.

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Quote from The {21} Challenge

Saturday Sweep

I tend to forget things easily these days; or in the course of a day, just dont’ have time to do everything I want. Here in WordPress, you can save things in Draft mode; so very often, I’ll do nothing more than type in a heading, of something I want to remember to do. I have several memes and such that I wanted to do this week, but just didn’t.

So.

Like I am doing in the “real” house…. I’m cleaning house in here today as well. I am going to time stamp some of the entries I do today to corresponde with the day they should have been done; so, if you are interested, you might scroll down a bit, and see if they have been done. Its something I’m going to do later today, but definately on my agenda. Have lots I want to get accomplished today, that doesn’t involve sitting in front of the computer…although that is on my list of “to do” things as well.

Busy Busy Busy

Read More…

Friday Feast

Appetizer:
If you could have a free subscription to any magazine, which one would you like to have?
I can’t think of names right now (other than Readers Digest) — but I would say either a Scrapbooking one, or a Women’s Daily Devotional kind of magazine.

Soup:
Describe your living room (furnishings, colors, etc.)
Wood paneling on the walls. Beige carpet. A beige recliner, and a blue one. Black book cases. Shelves decorated with Americana things. Entertainment center has a Home Interior set of “Jesus” and things he did. My aunt’s hope chest that she coudln’t take to the nursing home is next to the entertainment center.

Salad:
What does the shape of a circle make you think of?
Never ending — as in our wedding rings.

Main Course:
Name 3 things in your life that you consider to be absolute necessities.
1.My C-Pap. Severe sleep apnea; so when I even lay down without it on and doing its job, my heart starts doing funny things. And if I sleep without it … its NOT a good deal. I believe whole heartedly that the apnea is what caused my heart to get out of rhythm 2 years ago.
2.My Faith. I know its not a “material” thing, but even though it may not seem like I am “grateful” for all the blessings my heavenly Father has given me, my faith is what gets me through the tough times.
3.My Family & Friends. Again, not a material thing, but definately a necessity of my life.

Dessert:
What was the last really funny movie you watched?
RV with Robin Williams

{Day 1} Forgetting

“Forget past mistakes, forget failures, forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.” ~William Durant

My 21 day challenge is to prepare myself for a wonderful and exciting journey. A journey to a better life, better living the day to day stuff. To be able to enjoy life, and not be caught up in a world of pain and inactivity. My husband reminds me that this is the 3rd time I have tried doing this. The first time I was partially successful. The 2nd time was done during a time of grieving and just a whole multitude of other life altering emotions at the time. I have reached a point where I am tired of living like this, and its time I step up and do something about it. September 7 is the “official” beginning. But, I am preparing myself emotionally, as well as setting some organizational boundaries to it as well. I am going to forget about past mistakes and failures. I am putting blinders on, taking a “tunnel vision” attitude, and I am going to succeed.

I will be keeping a seperate blog for this journey. And while I’m doing this {21}Day Challenge, entries like this may appear on both. I want to capture part of this journey I’m about to embark on here at my regular blog; but there are lots of other things that I want to get “down on paper”, but I’m not comfortable putting it here.

I’m not going to look back. If I do, it will be only to recapture the thrill of the success I did have the 1st time around. I know this will work — it has worked for me, until I let life and some other things get in the way. I’m not going to let that happen this time.

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Quote from The {21} Challenge

1st Day of School

Ethan had a good 1st day of school. He likes all of his classes — and sounds excited about some of the things they will be doing. Something that surprises me, and yet, I guess, if you think about it, it shouldn’t surprise me. In a couple of his classes, there is only 5 or 6 students. Granted, I know we are a “small” school by some counts, but in elementary and middle school, normal size classes run 15 - 20. Music Theory is one of his small classes — and he says his teacher is excited, because he’s never had this many students in his class. He said he’ll actually be able to teach this year. I thought we were going to have to run to Emporia to get “special” paper, — blank music paper — with the lines on it. But, we got to looking on the internet, and found just what we needed. I had emailed his teacher, but they were 2 steps ahead of me, and found the exact same site I did. So now the only thing Ethan needs is that scientific calulator. I’m going to try and get it at our local paper office, or look in one of catalogs like Quill — and see if I can just order one. Quill is just out of KC, and there is no shipping on orders, so that might do the trick. I hope so. I’m wanting to save my money right now, and I just don’t want to take a road trip at this moment.

In his French class, he says at Christmas time, they are going to Kansas City to see the lights, and to eat at a French restraunt. How cool is that.

In his geometry class, the teacher has a website, and she posts daily assignments there, so thats one more place for me to “track” what Ethan should be doing, and keeping him on course. I know most of this is HIS responsibility, but he has picked up some of his bad habits from me, so if I can help him turn things around, I want to help … without actually doing it for him.

We talked for quite a while — sounds like he had a good first day, and hopefully that will continue through out the year. He just has to keep his grades up! Which I know he can do.

Blessings to all.

{21} Day Challenge - Intro

As always, I am a little behind of everyone else. But that doesn’t mean I still can’t march to the beat of my own drummer. I have watched, admired, drooled over the {21} Day Challenge – through all 5 rounds. The orginal concept was to combine journaling with scrapbooking. To take a habit, and make that the central theme of the 21 day challenge.

As much as I love to scrapbook, this is just something I have been able to jump into creatively. So, I’ve just sat on the sidelines, and watched. Becky, at W@H, has taken a different approach to it, and its a wonderful idea. I checked with her to make sure it was “OK” to steal her idea. The way she is utilizing the concept is a great idea and will work great with the “journey” I have ahead of me. It is a journey of more than 21 days; but journaling about the quotes Rhona has shared with us, is a perfect beginning to the journey I am about to embark on.

The journey? Major weightloss. In a short amount of time. Under the supervision of a doctor.
It works. I’ve “been there and done that”. In 2002, I lost 75 lbs between April and August. And I was healthy doing it. But I let some life things get in the way, and eventually went off the program. They see you all the way, if you let them, which includes going from the extreme way of losing the weight, to a normal lifestyle. Its all a process. A process ….a journey… that I am going to make work for me this time. I am sooooo tired of living like this. I have a new Explorer (vehicle) to enjoy. Grandkids to play with. A son who will be leaving in 3 short years. I would like for those years to be enjoyable for him, rather than one of “looking after….running for … his mom all the time”. And I want to blog about it. Starting with this {21} Day Challenge.

Of course, then being me, I coudln’t decide just how I wanted to go about this, blog wise. Part of me wants to keep this all “here” — at this blog. And yet, there are parts of it, once I get going with this, will be boring useless facts, that are only important to me.

So, I decided I would do this challenge here … I may copy and paste it “over there” — but I am definately starting a new blog for this venture…this journey. It deserves nothing less.

Thursday 13: #28

Ethan and the School Year

1. Today is the 1st day of school for our school district.

2. Surrounding schools started last week.

3. Its hard to buy school supplies when they don’t send out a supply list. But…I do understand why they don’t. In High School, there are so many combinations of classes, that there is no way they could publish a list to meet the needs of everyone. Although…. there could be a way, but it would take a little work on the teacher’s part. The teachers know what classes they are teaching and what supplies they will require. That needs to be put into a data base of somekind. And then when those classes are pulled out and put onto a student’s schedule … a list could be generated, customized for that particular student. BUT. These are High School students. They will be responsible to take down notes of what they need, and give the list to the parents in a timely manner.

4. Yea. Right. Actually, I do think he will, but I still keep thinking there has to be a better way.

5. Ethan cracked the glass on his cell phone today.

6. And then doesn’t understand why I won’t let him get the glasses that have the bows screwed directly into the lenses. He would crack them in a heartbeat.

7. He has an interesting study load this year …. drama and music are his passion, and it shows. Besdies the physical science and math classes, he has to take, he has French, English II, Music Theory, Vocal, and Theater.

8. We can check his grades on line each and every day. I like that.

9. He wants to drive to school (he’s a sophmore). He still has to wait a while. He will have met all the requirements to get his restricted license by the end of September. But, unless a few things change here at home, he’s not driving “alone” to school until his birthday in February.

10. I don’t care if “all his friends” are driving to school.

11. I know. I’m mean. I’m unreasonable. I’m impossible. Is that part of being a mom?

12. So, he’s going to ride the bus instead. He’s in High School now. No one picks on him. He likes that.

13. Works for me. Can’t believe that the “summer vacation” is over already. Tomorrow is the 1st. Day. Of. School. Where DID the summer go????

I Can See Clearly Now

Well, not me, — Ethan — and actually, he doesn’t see clearly… yet. But he will. His glasses are a couple of years old. Last year he wanted contacts, and we went that route. He doesn’t wear them all the time like he thought it would, but he does wear them enough that having both contacts and glasses will be the plan through the rest of high school. So, it wasn’t surprising he needed new lenes today when he went for an eye doctor appointment.

He’s seeing OK with his contacts. But one eye has changed 2 steps, and the other 3 steps with his glasses. He definately needs new ones.

We were there over an hour. Since I missed yesterday, I told him he could go to the appointment alone (they are just a block down from where I work) - and then to call me when he’s done, and if he needed to get new glasses, I would help him with that. Should have been a piece of cake. Pick out a few pair, decide on one, and be on our way.

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Winding Down

A couple of quiet days, just still having problems getting back in the groove of things. But I’m not giving up!

Yesterday was an uncommonly quiet, calm day at the office. The phone didn’t ring off the hook, David didn’t encounter too many driver problems. It was nice, just working away, and not feeling the stress of the other. Several of the drivers didn’t drive last week, so the paperwork went quickly. I could definately take a few more Mondays like that.

I didn’t work at the church today. Just did not feel good, so I called Gordon and let him know, and just took it easy. I feel better tonight. I didn’t play hooky but do think I just needed to take a “charge my battery” kind of day. Ethan had Barbershop practice this evening. David was home, but has a pick up project he’s been playing with. Got called away in the middle of it, though. His boss is taking a load of hay out west at midnight, and there were a few lights not working, and he wanted David to fix them. Such is the life of a “right hand man” to the boss … when you aren’t being a dispatcher. There used to be a time this would have upset me and caused me problems. I’m glad we are passed that. It didn’t make for a smooth ride in our marriage. We have come a long ways over these 22 years of marriage!

School starts Thursday. Hard to believe! Summer vacation just started a couple days ago, didn’t it? The year is just whizzing by. I’m already look at Autumn layouts and graphics. My favorite time of the year!

Like I said, still trying to get in the groove, but at least I’m back. Have several writing projects I want to do; but thought “being true to myself” kind of blogging entry came before all the memes and other blogging things that are out there.

Blessings to all.

Front Porch Days

If money and time were no object, what would your ultimate dream vacation be?

This ultimate dream vacation would have a couple other “no objects” to it … there would be no cell phones. My husband dispatches trucks for a living, and is on call 24/7. For this to be an ultimate dream vacation, he would have to leave “his job” at home. I’m not sure what the solution to this would be — how fair is it to put the lives of 11 men “on hold” while he takes a vacation? Even if he had loads set up well in advance, things NEVER go according to plan, and “dealing with situations” is just a day to day occurance. He did try to go on a 3 day retreat this past May, but it didn’t work. He went, but he was on the phone most of the time, frustrated by the poor service of where he was, more dropped calls than completed ones …. it was suppposed to be a time of “getting away and getting back to God”. Instead, it just complicated things and he left more stressed than when he went. So, in this “dream vacation”, somehow, it would be “OK” for him to get away, and not have to deal with situations.

For what I want to do on this dream vacation, another “no object” thing would need to take place. My soon-to-occur new venture would be a thing of the past. I would be slim, trim, and ready to tackle anything and everything. I wouldn’t send the hubby or son in to get our food, or go shopping for me. We would tackle nature and explore, and walk and just experience the whole vacation first hand.

My dream vacation …. (I know…if you just saw the newly released movie with Robin Williams — “RV” … you probably shudder at this point, and think “What IS she thinking?”. But.

I would love to buy a 1st class, nice as you can get, motorhome. With a cute little Jeep pulled behind it. I would love to start here in the middle of the United States, where we live, and head east. No agenda. No maps. No hurry. Just go — and see. I know there are lots of tourist things out there to see and do…. I’m just not sure thats what I want to do. I just want to travel. To stop at those little “out of the way” spots, where its a family run little “mom and pop” place, that has been in the family for generations. To explore nature in its finest. And I know…. the fanciest RV — getting back to nature — doesn’t make sense, does it? But, I really don’t want to do the “people” thing, waiting hours in line to see something, brushing shoulders with thousands of other people to see the Statue of LIberty or Times Square. I want things to be a little slower paced.

The motorhome would feel like home, we would meet great people along the way … and we would just have time to bond, as a family.

Short Weekend

Its been a busy weekend. After saying I was going to wait until school started to get Ethan’s school supplies, I decided to go ahead and get him the basics. That — and I want to take the Explorer on a road trip and see how it did. It did fine. David told me to have several new keys made, but Walmart couldn’t do it. She said it had a chip in it…I’m going to assume she meant a computer chip. So, that means we’ll have to take it to a Ford dealership and have them do it, and I’ll bet they won’t cost $1.00 a piece. David did “save” us $35 yesterday. He had called the Ford dealership in Emporia (thats where Ethan and I were going to get his school supplies) about the keyless entry. They didn’t have time to put it on the computer and do it for us yesterday, but they did tell David where he could find the factory number. He looked. Found the number, and was able to program the keyless entry for us. Cool. My minivan had keyless entry, but we never did get it programed, or even ask to find out where the number was. Now I kinda wish we had. But, it doesn’t matter now. I have it with the Explorer, and I’m happy.

There is one “glitch” to my happiness with my new vehicle. My aunt IS. NOT. HAPPY. with us. Mainly because she can’t get it in. We had a supper planned with her Friday, and the thought DID occur to me she wouldn’t be able to get in. So I made sure I had a Plan B. I invited my wonderful and giving ex-DIL and my cute adorable grandson to supper with us, and asked if she could meet us at the Nursing Home when we went up to pick her up just in case our efforts to get her in my vehicle didn’t work. You would think she would have been happy with being able to just get out, go eat supper …. etc. And, I think she was. But, some of her remarks stung, and as always, I took them to heart, and let myself get upset. And I don’t like when I do that. She made the remark we bought it just so we wouldnt’ have to take her any place anymore. And when she tried to pay for supper (and I understand she has a little money in her account, and “she can’t take it with her” … but supper had gotten “out of hand” to how we had planned it …. when SHE has asked us to take her to supper, it was David, Ethan and myself, and her. But, because of circumstances, I invited The Bubble and Malachi. And in the midst of everything, David called and said his mom and dad had invited us out to supper, at the exact same place we were going. So, we went from a party of 4 to a party of 8.). I wasn’t going to let her pay. And, I guess also, in the back of my mind, if we can afford to buy a new vehicle, we can afford to take her out to supper. But she got soooooo upset with me. I ruined everything. “You think you are rich now because you bought a new vehicle”. Thats a quote. I’m not quite sure what it means, but I WASN’T throwing the vehicle in her face by telling her we were buying. And we are by now means, rich. We didn’t buy it outright. We had to borrow the money. But — we are at a place financially, that the extra payments are actually doable, and…actually, what David and the banker did, we aren’t going to “feel” the extra payment that much. David had a note on his pickup at another bank. He had $900 left to pay on it. His banker “insisted” that he loan us that money as well, and go pay off that note. We also had another note, at the present bank, that we only had $200 left to pay on . They consolidated everything …. David was making $115 payments on the one note, and $140 on the other. By making them go away …. we only have to come up with $10 more than what he’s been paying on notes. So, it was an alright deal.

We bought the vehicle for various reasons, but a major one was the price was right. Everything just feel into place….the mileage, the bottom dollar, what he was willing to give us for our van. So, I’m not going to feel guilty or bad for doing what we did. It DID occur to me she might be upset. And I have chasized myself for having the thought that we can’t center our world and our decisions around her. “Waiting” until she dies to buy a vechicle … That has been an option we have talked about the last few months — knowing she probably would be upset. Every time she got in my van, she would comment that we needed to get another vehicle, one that she could get in easier. And, if she wasn’t in the nursing home, and if she wasn’t having the health problems she’s having, and if she hadn’t chosen NOT to be on dialysis, which is a decision to shorter her life expectancy considerable …. then, maybe we would have done things differently.

But. We didn’t. And she’s not happy with us. And for that, I am sorry. But, in my heart of hearts, I don’t think we did the wrong thing. I don’t believe we betrayed her by not buying a vehicle that suited HER needs. Here’s the deal. I am a large woman. Most of you know that. To buy something that would have accomadated her, it would have probably been a car, something that sits lower to the ground. Something that I would have difficulty getting out. I plan on being around for a few more years. We were not wrong in what we did.

I just have to keep telling myself that.

And now, we are off to a concert at our church. A local gospel group … “3″ Rusty Nails.

Blessings to all.

Thursday 13: #27

This & That

1. VBS was last week, and that took up alot of my evenings. Now I’m having a hard time getting back into the routine of blogging.

2. Doesn’t help though when the hubby has been home most eveings, and we’ve been on a mission.

3. The Mission? We took our van in to be “fixed”. It chugged, did it around 25-30 mph. But you could still depend on it to get you from Point A to Point B.

4. $250 later, after spending several days at the Ford dealership, it still chugged and NOW it dies every whip stitch. And they didn’t know what else to do with it … other than tell us to us high dollar gas and put fuel cleaner in it.

5. It started out as a joke, but somewhere along the line, we got serious about looking for a new vehicle. So, every night this week, we’ve been out looking, driving, talking, dreaming.

6. At the same Ford dealership, they had a baby blue Ford Explorer that I’ve been “eyeing” for a month or so. BUT. It was a 1994, and had 143,000 miles on it. We would be going backwards. Our van (Windstar) is a 1995, and has 139.000.

7. So, we look at this purty 2002 windstar they had. Less than $10,000. But. we weren’t sure we wanted to spend that much.

8. David’s boss’s wife has a friend, who’s husband just died. And he had a Jeep Cherokee she wanted to sell. She lives in another town, about 45 miles away. We drove up there to see it, but I was pretty sure I didn’t want it. IF it had been a GRAND Cherokee, then yes. But, a “regular” Cherokee. No.

9. BUT. In this same town was 2 car lots. One of them had a 2000 Ford Explorer. 109,000 miles. And $2000 less than what the Ford dealership wanted for their’s here in town.

10. We HAD to ask. The Ford dealership here in town would give us $1250 for our van. This guy would give us $1500. We had just looked at it the Explorer the night before. David was doing the initial talking over the phone.

11. We took the title when we went up there last night on the off chance it was a go.

12. I now own a Dark Blue 2000 Blue (Dark Purple?) Ford Explorer.

13. And it doesn’t go chug. chug. chug.

Part II

…of “We Resume Our Regularly Scheduled Program”. You would have thought after the hectic-ness of VBS, I would have been back here, in full force. And I have been. Kinda. Just not on the word side. I know many would consider this a cop-out … an excuse. But I think, when I get in this “it has to be a perfect layout” mode, and I go searching and trying and changing layouts, several in a days time, I believe its a “symptom” of something else in my life. Not sure what … depression? frustration? And the layout area is one place I have complete control — usually, and I find a sense of comfort and satisfication there. Unfortunately, like comfort eating, though, it only lasts for a short time. I don’t comfort shop much, if any, anymore. But, I would venture to say, “whatever” the problem is, the way of dealing with it, is the same. Just in a new playground. At least the layout changes aren’t self destructive, in the sense of ruining our finances.

But. I’m done playing for awhile. I like this layout; but because of the lack of the sidebar, and I still want access to alot of the information that the sidebar holds, I had to create some entries that made this information linkable and usable. Now that that done, I can go either way, and have my info — with sidebars or without.

So, its back to the real world of blogging and sharing my thoughts and “goings on” in my life.

Didja miss me while I was gone? :):)

We Resume This Regularly Scheduled Program

Whew! What a week. A great week, but a tiring week. a BUSY week. And now, we finish cleaning up, sweeping away any evidence that 50 young minds were soaking up the word of God this week. At least the physical evidence. The kids had a great time, and I am very sure their hearts and their minds were filled to the brim, learning about Jesus. I also know families were touched — families that normally don’t have church home … maybe they have found one. The new director did great. The old director has been thanked many times over for her help and participation in this year’s VBS … and we mentally already planning next years. The new director would like to have a “staff appreciation” supper when she gets back from vacation, and also use it as a review and plant seeds for next year, to what she would like to do, and what we can be doing in the meantime. Sounds like a great plan to me.

Besides VBS this week, I have worked out to David’s office (after working at the church). I have spent an afternoon with my aunt. I think I did have one afternoon (that window of time between 3:30 and 6:00) that I was able to be at home. David even pitched in and fixed supper for us a couple evenings. How cool is that? He has NEVER fixed anything for us. If he is required to “fix” a meal, he’ll hit Sonic for everyone. But, we actually came home to hamburgers done on the George Foreman grill. I was soooo grateful to him for it. I was thinking it would be a “Sonic” week, or sandwich week all week.

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