Posted by Prairierose on Nov 30, 2006
Ampraisinghim is a fairly new blogger, and will soon reach her 100th post. For that special post, she wants to do something for others. Here’s what she has to say…
Anyways, for my 100th post, I want to do something for others. I really don’t know how many readers I have. But for the small amount of readers that I do have, I wanted to reach out to you. I want to create a list of at least 100 unsaved family or friends that you care about. Now here are the rules, they don’t have to have their real names listed. I’m setting up another email just for this. Please email me your name or screen name with the names of those you want prayed for. You can list pseudo names if you want, or even initials, or simply the word unspoken.
So, if you know someone that is not saved, please email her at: pastorswife504 at yahoo .com (take out spaces, and change the word at to the symbol) and add their name to the list. Here is the direct entry where you can ask her questions or leave her a comment —> Ampraisinghim’s blog
Posted by Prairierose on Nov 10, 2006
Christian Woman Online is hosting their first every blog award of the year event. They would like to recognize Christian women bloggers all over the world. There are 11 different categories to nominate one or several bloggers that you especially enjoy.
Go here for more details…
Posted by Prairierose on Nov 08, 2006
10. Brilliant colored leaves on the trees.
9. Warm weather in November
8. The generous heart of my exDIL
7. The vision of being healthy
6. The vision of having a smaller body
5. Blog Friends
4. Employment
3. Hugs from my grandson
2. The laughter of my grandson
1. The sun shining through autumn colored leaves
Posted by Prairierose on Nov 08, 2006
Ann Voskamp has started a project that brings us all to the core of the upcoming holidays entitled, “One Thousand Gifts.” This is what Ann had to say:
“It is the beginning of the list season: lists of menus, lists of hand-made projects, lists of addresses, lists of baking goodies … lists of gifts.
I too begin… but only, currently, one list: A List of a Thousand Things, beginning with #1. I am daily jotting down items on my “Thousand Gifts List,” working, one-by-one, up to a thousand gifts. Not of gifts I want. But of gifts I have.
As the moments slip down the hour glass of time, I am scratching down the gifts–just as they happen, as they arrive, as they are unwrapped–that He has given that make my life grace, the daily graces that He gives in an infinite number of ways, that stir me.
“…windmills lazying in twilight’s last breeze…. soft wool sweaters with turtle neck collars…. the faint smell of cattle and straw….”
Follow this link to read more of Ann’s essay, and read other CWOer’s who are participating in this time of giving thanks. I will be adding to my list daily…and my list is here (it will also be linked on my sidebar).
Posted by Prairierose on Nov 02, 2006
Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. –Hebrews 12:1bI know this passage is talking about the weight of sin that is on us, but taken out of context and put in literal terms, this verse couldn’t have come on a better day. “Lay aside every weight” … today is weigh in day. This past week has a been a bit different. Haven’t stuck totally to “the” plan, but I knew that going into this past week. Sunday was our anniversary, and I knew where we were going and what we would be doing. But, I’m not totally “there”. I have done well with discipline on this plan for the most part. And I went with the intention of JUST eating … the steak ordered, the shrimp, and the salad. Which I did. But. I also ate the potato, with butter and sour cream. And I ate the roll. With butter. I did drink water, so I don’t have to throw the calories of a soft drink in with it (although, I probably would have gotten Diet Pepsi). AND, my salad was “dry”, so you can check off “she did good” with the not having salad dressing. I caved. And, I did what I knew I shouldn’t have.
NOW…something else I did that day, which is so totallly not “the” plan, but may, hopefully, helped the slippage of eating things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t eat Any.Thing.Else that day. No “plan” food, supplements, nothing. I knew we would be eating a bigger than normal meal (and that was before I did what I actually did). So, I’m hoping that the calorie intake for the day didn’t go too far over.
And. I did what I did. I enjoyed it. I savored it. And I won’t do it again for a while. But the fact remains, I did do it, and I may have to “pay” the price for it today. We’ll just have to see.
This is all part of it though. Making choices. Hopefully, good choices. And, when I don’t make the right choice, OK, if its just once in a while, then don’t beat myself up about it. “Run the race that is before me — with patience”. You know, I am beginning to like this verse more and more. I know I’m taking a verse and making it something its not what it actually means, but it so fits this diet plan — any diet plan.
Gotta love how God talks to us — on our level!
Posted by Prairierose on Oct 31, 2006
So now we have our basic temperaments figured out how do we apply them to our faith?
How does your specific personality affect how you relate to those around you?
How does it affect how you relate to other Christians?
Non-Christians?
How does it affect your ministry?
Did you recognize anyone else’s personality when looking over the types?
How might this affect how you relate to them?
How does you personality affect your relationship to the Lord?
The test
MY personality type is INFP.
Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
Intuitive (N) 64% Sensing (S) 36%
Feeling (F) 90% Thinking (T) 10%
Perceiving (P) 59% Judging (J) 41%
I am mostly introverted, and that doesn’t surprise me. I am known as being really quiet, and not real opinionate. In many ways, these is a major flaw in how I relate to other Christians. I find it hard to speak out, esp. in group settings. And this isn’t just with being a Christian. Its in all settings. I am more of a “behind the scenes” kind of person, and the less said, the better …. although, I do enjoy a good “brain storming” session, when we are trying to organize an event coming up. Even though I’m not outspoken, and find it difficult to share my faith, it doesn’t affect my ministry that much. I just turn the talents and gifts God me in the direction that works best. Organization. Not everyone can be a leader. And not everyone can take an event, and plan it, detail for detail, and make the event appear to go off without a hitch (we all know that behind the scenes, though, there is usually pure chaos). I wish I could be more outward and forward with my faith and beliefs, but … thats not who I am. So, I focus on how God made me and be the best that I can be.
Posted by Prairierose on Oct 22, 2006
What is your testimony? Your testimony is Your personal story of how God got your attention and drew you into a relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. Some have no exact point in time that they can pinpoint, others do. Either way there is a story waiting to be told. Pray about it. Ask Him to reveal what parts He wants you to share then write it down. You don’t have to share the whole thing on your blog but I would encourage you to have the whole story written somewhere so you will remember it and can share it as the Lord leads.
God has always been a part of my life. Well, let me rephrase that. Church has always been a part of my life. I have memories of attending our small little church as a child. But I don’t remember having a relationship with God during this time. We didn’t pray at meal times, we didn’t talk about our faith or anything else associated with “God” per se. But, we did the church thing.
As I got older, I had an opportunity to go to church camp, and I attended several years. It was during one of those weeks, I asked Christ into my heart, to be my Savior, and to be a part of my life. My church was Presbyterian, so I was “baptized” when I returned home. Little did I realize how that would lead to confusion later on in life. I grabbed ahold of my faith and put my trust in God and held on for dear life. It was like I knew I had a bumpy road ahead of me.
And I did. Including a marriage where I wasn’t allowed to have a relationship with God, wasn’t allowed to go to church. Why did I marry him? It was part of the bumpy road, and I was at the end of my rope. I felt like God wasn’t answering my prayers, so I found my own answer to my problems, with my own solutions.
Big. Mistake.
Fast forward several years later. We had divorced, I had moved back to my homestate, and lived near my parents. I started a new life, newly employed, and new to the “dating” scene. At some point, the boss’s son where I worked asked me out. I kept turning him down because I was sure I would be fired if I said yes. But he kept asking. And I finally gave in. We went out. I didn’t get fired. And a year later, we were married. That was almost 23 years … and 5 kids ago. A blended family. My 2 sons. His 2 daughters. And a son that we had together.
We didn’t attend church, but that desire to be a part of a church family again was there. My husband’s mom invited us to a concert that was being held at the church she was a member of. We attended, and enjoyed the music and the message. And I distinctly remember David telling the minister at the time that we enjoyed it, and we “MIGHT” be there Sunday, but because of our work schedule and other things, not to count on us many Sundays. That was in 1989. Threre are very few Sundays we have missed since then.
David had never been baptized, and because I was “sprinkled”, not immersed, I rededicated my life to the Lord, and we were immersed April 12, 1989.
God has seen us some through some amazing times. Rough and rocky times. Celebration times. But through it all, even though there are times I feel like I “don’t measure up” as a Christian, I know where my heart is, and that God is a part of my life, for now and for always. More importantly, that he has always been there — waiting patiently, for his child to come back to Him. What an amazing Father he is, to love someone like me. But, he has a purpose for me. He’s not done with me yet, and I watch and with wait with anticipatation for when he reveals to me over and over what he has planned for me.
Posted by Prairierose on Sep 06, 2006
Structure
With the birth of the new blog “On My Weigh” comes changes. Nothing drastic, but just a bit more organization and structure to what I hope to accomplish in my little blog world. I have already stated that my OMW blog is my “in the trenches” blog, covering my weight loss venture, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Its going to be hard, but for the most part, anything that has to do with the weight loss, will go over there. Thus, {Day 7} of the 21 Day challenge will be the last one I post here. Its dumb to copy and paste entries in 2 blogs. If you are going to keep 2 going, keep them seperate and distinct, with 2 very different purposes. Yes, I may interject a “Hey, guess what, I lost ___ lbs today — meet me over at OMW, and I’ll tell you more” from time to time. But that will be about it. So, just because you don’t “hear” (ah… read) anything about my weight loss venture in this blog, doesn’t mean it ain’t happenin’.
More Structure
Having Structure. Purpose — that feels good. So, I am going to try and carry that theme on into this blog. What I am finding is, more and more “groups” to be a part of. There are sooooo many wonderful groups — Christian — out there …. I know I just need to pick one, and give it 100%. But I won’t. I have meet some really good people from all the groups, and well… I like new things. I don’t want to be left out. I just need to find a bit of structure … a plan…
The “On My Weigh” journey is all about structure…plus, I will be gaining some things — motivation, dicipline, confidence, awareness — so maybe through that, will emerge the structure here that I am looking for. It should be quite simple, if I would just put pen to paper … fingers to keyboard. And. Follow. Through.
Part of me says to find “the purpose” of this blog — have a mission statement of sorts. And yet, I dont’ want to be so rigid, that I can’t add whatever is on my mind. But, when I go with the “whatever is on my mind” theory, I feel like I am swimming in a sea, but not really going anywhere. So, what IS it I want out of A Prairie View? I want it to be an expression of me. I think I have captured part of it — the visual part. Whether or not its “me”, I’m not sure, but it does make for a nice, comfortable, pleasing to the eye place to come, and in that I find satisfaction and contentment (that is, WHEN I can find the right layout. For right now, I actually have achieved that….for me).
But the content.
I guess first and foremost, it must be “me”. If the words don’t come easily, then, I’m out of my element of “me”, and must examine to why the words don’t come easily. Am I trying to be like someone else? I want to share of myself. My thoughts, my dreams, my doubts, my days.
I want to be involved in various weekly things. I want to share my faith, I want people to know I’m a believer.
So What’s The Problem?
And you know what. When I put it down on paper like this — isn’t this what I am already doing with my blog? I think maybe I need to share my thoughts on my faith, and how God works in (and on!) my life every day just a bit more. But other than that, everything I want to be doing with this blog, I think I’m doing. So whats the problem? I think everything I have said here, is suffice to say that I’m moving the 21 Day Challenge over to On My Weigh, and possibly picking up another “daily” discussion piece that will be done here, and ties in my thoughts of my faith and my God a bit more. Why didn’t I just say that in the first place???? Because, thats not who I am. I ramble. I take 10 miles around to go a 1/2 mile destination. But ya love me anyway … and thats ANOTHER reason I blog. But you love me and you support me, and you pray over me lots. You keep me from giving up — on myself, on life in general. You cheer me on. You pick me up when I stumble. And you let me try. And try. And try again. It doesnt’ matter that I have tried to structure my life a hundred and fifty times before (and thats just in the span of time YOU have known me). When I attempt to structure my life once again, you encourage me on like its the very first time. I am truly blessed by each and every one of you.
Discussion: Have you ever been so complacent that you forgot where your blessings come from? Have you ever become so comfortable with your faith that you’ve forgotten to practice it?
My first reaction is no, I have never been comfortable with my faith that I have forgotten topractice it. There are days I do forget to give God the glory for my blessings. But I’m not comfortable with it. I feel like its a flaw in me. That lack of ability to committ to anything. But I know that not to be true. And the basic truth is, God knows my flaws, my ability to forget to thank him for my many blessings — but he knows my heart, and he loves me anyway.
Posted by Prairierose on Aug 29, 2006
CWO posts a quote every Friday in hopes that it will inspire us, as members of
Christian Women Online to jot down our thoughts. On each Tuesday following, they post our written articles
here, along with links to the other Christian women online who are joining in with a post on their blog.
“I thought about the whole notion of “reproduction,” and what it really means to replicate yourself. Is it merely about the passing on of eyes and chins and hair color? Or is it, rather, the replication of the heart? Do we leave a bigger mark by passing on our genes, or our thoughts?” ~ Shannon Woodward, author of Inconceivable: Finding Peace in the Midst of Infertility ~
As I look at my 15 year old son, my heart breaks. He, like myself, is overweight. More than just a little. I have passed on my bad eating habits, my fat “genes” He was such a cute little boy. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Smart as a whip. Yes, I passed that on to him as well. My love for reading. I love to sing, but lack of confidence holds me back to singing publicly, like he does. But again, the love of singing is something I have passed on him to as well.
“Sing to me Ethan”.
My aunt came in to my life shortly before my mom passed away. With my mom’s death, came the responsibility of looking after her sister, a woman who has never been married, has no kids, and has a multitude of health problems. For a couple years, we played hard and close to the chest, allowing her to stay at home, and praying every time we would have to rush over to her apartment because she was in distress, that we weren’t too late.
Last year, it came time for her to go the nursing home. For all of her health problems, she wasn’t doing what she needed to be doing, and I couldn’t be with her 24/7 to make sure she did. It was wearing me down, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. And it was putting her life in danger. The decision wasn’t mine. Her doctor was the one to put things in motion, and I stood back and let it take its course. She was not happy, but accepted the inevetiable.
This spring, we found out her kidneys have failed even more than they had been. Her kidneys used to work around 35%. Now they were down to 10%, and she was faced with a critical decision. Dialysis was necessary, or life expectancy would be shortened considerably.
She chose “no dialysis” — and began preparing herself for what was to come. A lady who very much needs to be in control. We went to the funeral home, we went through things, we go her “affairs’ in order. She has talked to our minister — she is, pretty basically, ready to die.
Several weekends ago, her blood sugar level went up into the 700’s. She was “out of it” for several days. It was then, she realized, that the end really was close, and she became really really scared. She coudln’t stop crying; and the nurse called us, to see if we could just go sit with her, talk with her, just be with her, as family.
We did. And, as we talked, she said….”Ethan, sing to me”. Ethan is my 15 year old. His love and passion is for the drama and for music. He loves to sing, has sung publically many times. But….could he sing, for an audience of one? for someone who knew she was dying? for someone he had grown to love as much as his grandmother (my mom).
I could see the wheels spinning. Alot of the songs he sings are old time church hymnals. That talk about dying. He didn’t want to sing about dying, and yet ….
He looked into her eyes, opened his mouth, and gave the best performance of his life. He sang Amazing Grace, Old Rugged cross …. and then his favorite …. 3 Wooden Crosses (a song that Randy Travis made famous). That calmed her down. The tears stopped. A smile crossed her face. “I want you to sing those songs at my funeral”. So young to have to face death in such a personal way, and yet, he is facing it like a man.
This courage — this level of compassion…. I would like to think that I have passed that on to him as well. Reproduction is more than having a child. Its taking the best of yourself and instilling in that child what is truly important. Faith in God. Love for others. Tolerance. Patience. You will leave your mark on the world. The footprints continue with your children, and your grandchildren. Footprints dont’ have anything to do with the color of your eyes, or your hair color … or even how big or how small your body is. Marks …. “footprints” are left on this earth by those who chose to pass on the goodness found on this earth. As Christians, we are lucky to have an insruction manual to follow. It is my hope, my prayer … my dream, that my children follow in some of my footsteps, and leave their own mark on this world, one that makes a difference, and one cloaked in goodness and grace.
______________________________
(sidenote here: Kelly at Pass the Torch has a weekly meme called “Pass The Torch” — to catch our kids doing something “good” and write about it. This is what I shared with her this week … but it is also a fitting entry for this one as well…so, if you partipate in both memes….yes, part of this entry has come from what I shared there.
Posted by Prairierose on Jul 28, 2006
I was ministered to today with the words Sallie at A Gracious Home wrote.. … what was said on her Streams in the Desert calendar. “Some of the storms of life come suddenly. Some come slowly. Yet it is in the storm that God equips us for service. Every man who is preeminent for his ability was first preeminent for suffering. The heroes of life are the storm-swept and battle-scarred.”
My mom (who I was very close to) died very suddenly — she woke up with a headache, and a few hours later, she was gone. (”storms of life come suddenly”) With her death, came the responsibility of “looking out after” my aunt (who I was not close to — she was a memory from my childhood), who has lots and lots of major health issues. Right now, her kidneys are functioning at less than 10%, and she has chosen not to do dialysis (Some come slowly.) I struggle with this, because my life has been put on hold, to some degree, because of this person. I love her, she is family. But. I do it because … ?
Because she is God’s gift to me (boy, if I had been on THAT shopping trip, I sure would have requested something different!) Sallie put into words, what I have been struggling with. Yet it is in the storm that God equips us for service. Every man who is preeminent for his ability was first preeminent for suffering. The heroes of life are the storm-swept and battle-scarred.” When I would be holding her hand, after her blood sugars had dropped drastically low, and I was there to help her get back to a functionally level, and she would cry “Why won’t God just let me die”. I would tell her that she was God’s gift to me — that he brought her to me because he knew how devastating my mom’s death would be to be. He knew that I would crawl up into myself, and die as well. But I wasn’t allowed that luxury. Even before Mom was taken off life support, I was “dealing” with my aunt. She hadn’t brought her blood sugar tester to the hospital and we were 60 miles from home, and she was sure it was going low. And so the dance began…. life with my aunt.
Thank you Sallie for, so elequantly, putting into words what I have struggled to put into place in my mind and in my heart.
Posted by Prairierose on Jul 24, 2006
“One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few.” ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
I think I have spent a life time trying to collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. I have a closet full of purses. My file of blog layouts is filled to the brim with different themes I have used, would like to use, or am currently using (esp. if the theme switcher is activated). If you have read my blog for any length of time (no matter how short… like, even since the beginning of this CWO meme) - I change “the look” often. There is some creative satisfaction when I change, being able to make it work, and look good. But, must I have every shell on the beach? Why can’t I just be happy collecting a few? There are lots of areas in my life, where I am almost obsessive in “having” this one, and that one, and Ooohhhh… how pretty, I have to get this one too”.
But, I realized, that I don’t have this obsession in every area of my life. Relationships. Yes, I’ve been married twice. The first time, I married way too young, and marriage at that time was more of an “out” for me rather than a “until death do us part” committment. But I have been married to David for 22 years now. The “shell” has a few nicks in it, and its seen some rough seas. But, we have survived them.
Friendships. I have acquaintences. I have lots of people I say “hi” to when at the store, and, I know them by name. But. There are 2 friends that I would call in the middle of the night if something awful where to happen. These friends know me, warts and all, and amazingly enough, still love me. I don’t “collect” friends. Matter of fact, there are probably a few people out there in the community that I could be friends with — close friends, but, I just have a problem letting people get close. So, I cherish these 2 friends that have broke through the wall, and sit with me on the other side.
And — my God. Literally. My Lord and Savior. He is the best shell of all. There are things in my life that I put way too much importance on, thigns that don’t mean a hill of beans. But, I love my one and only God, and I do my best to serve him, the best I can. I read something the other day. God didn’t “make” me … he is “making” me — I’m still a work in progress. Which means there is still hope for me, to become a better servant, to put those things of insignificance away, and focus on on what is truly important.
So, even though my life is clutters with lots and lots of material things, my collection of shells is few — the most important shells in my life — my family, my friends, and my God — and beautiful they are.
CWO posts a quote every Friday in hopes that it will inspire us, as members of
Christian Women Online to jot down our thoughts. On each Tuesday following, they post our written articles
here, along with links to the other Christian women online who are joining in with a post on their blog.
Posted by Prairierose on Jul 17, 2006
“When life whacks you so hard your head flies off, sew it back on and keep going.”~ Mary Pierce ~
Looking back, there is no doubt that my life has been richly blessed — by a wonderful husband, 5 great kids, 4 of the best granchildren in the world,and another one on the way. I have a church family who loves me. We aren’t rich, but we are getting by comfortable now.
There have been a few hard knocks along the way. Life whacked me when I was 8 year old and molested by the neighbor boy, but my head stayed on, a few stitches unraveled, but I was loved by my family and we got through it.
As a teenager, I created alot of my own problems, again life took a few swings at me, but by this time, I had accepted Christ, and God was my protector. We got through them.
Life with my first husband… was a confusing and “dying to self’ time. He didn’t believe in God, and did what he could to stiffle any thoughts or longings I had to reconnect with my God. Even then, though, I knew my God stood by me, keeping me intact. Again, a few stitches unraveled, but I survived.
I was able to put that life behind me, went from leading a life of total seclusion, to a life full of activity. Working full time, raising 4 … and then 1 more came along, 5 children. Going to trade shows, becoming involved in church, and more importantly, being able to allow God back in my life, and able to raise my children to know and love God as well.
We were a blended family, and it came with all kinds of problems and scabbles, but nothing we coudln’t work through.
I can pinpoint the day life whacked me so hard, my head flew off. It took months for me to regain — or “sew” my head back on. That day was December 13, 2003. My mom was in the hospital — yes, it was serious … any hospital stay constitutes “something serious”. But it wasn’t so serious that we never considered the possibility that she would never leave the hospital. I sat by her bed. We laughed. We talked. We plotted and planned. “Next week, once I am out of here, we will ….. “.
Even when she woke up with a headache, it never occured to me that within a few short hours, my life would be torn apart. My head would be filled with thoughts of “how can this be happening”. My heart breaking with grief.
My faith, my friends, my family — these were all things that allowed me to sew my head, and my heart back on, and keep on going. I didn’t want to. I wanted to die right along side of her. But life doesn’t work that way. God still has plans for me. The scars are still there, where life whacked my head off; but with time, the scars have faded. The pain has lessened. The memories have faded a bit. I’m still a bit unraveled. I still have a lot of healing to do. But, I continue on. Leaning on God’s promises. Taking Him at his work to see me through the rough times. He is the great mender of life, and I know that life will send my head flying again — and again before my life is over, but I take comfort in knowing He is there to help me mend my way back to a life filled with family and friends who will be there, waiting for me, to show me the way because I can’t take another step. Just as I can’t sew my own head back on, as a ragdoll, I can’t take what life dishes out alone either. God has showed me that, and I rest in his arms of comfort knowing he will do whatever it takes to get me through. He won’t let me unravel completely. He has promised me this.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
CWO posts a quote every Friday in hopes that it will inspire us, as members of
Christian Women Online to jot down our thoughts. On each Tuesday following, they post our written articles
here, along with links to the other Christian women online who are joining in with a post on their blog.
Posted by Prairierose on Jul 10, 2006
Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself
- Audrey Giorgi
Bag in hand, I am setting out to visit an old friend. The bag contains a bible, a journal, several ink pens, an big insulated mug, filled with sweetened tea. I’ve included vanilla smelling lotion and a similar scented candle. Lastly, towards the bottom of the bag, is an ounce of determination.
You see, its been awhile since I have visited this friend. In the busyness of her life, she mostly generally doesn’t have time to stop and just visit. She is busy working 2 part time jobs — and what crazy about that …. its not the money they need. She does it because she is “needed”. And she doesn’ know how to say no. Her son is in high school now, but still young enough not to be able to drive on his own. He’s involved in various school activites, scouts, drama, church … the list goes on and on. She herself is involved in several things, but not as many as she used to be. She is learning, slowly, how to slow down, and not be involved in everything that comes down the pike.
She has a grandson that she adores, and even though her son and daughter-in-law are divorced now, she loves her DIL as her own. They are going through a rough time right now, and it just doesn’t feel right for my friend to just sit back and not be involved. She is there for her grandson and ex-DIL, as much as she can be, which doesn’t seem like much, but for now, it will have to do.
This “old friend” is me. But, somewhere along the line, I have lost msyelf. I am constantly on call as a wife, a mom, a grandma, a niece who has found herself in a semi-active role of caregiver. A co-worker, a worker. A volunteer. A housewife. A friend.
I mask my life by many sources these days. Food. Spending. Creating, and recreating webpages, never able to get it “just right”. This is the “now” me, hiding, not wanting to deal with life.
And yet…. I miss her. That old part of me. The part that took pleasure in the quietness. That found contentment in sitting at a desk, candle burning, and just writing. No “getting it right”. Just a pouring out of thought and feelings. She found satisfaction in her successes. She drove herself hard to succeed, and even if she didn’t make it to the finish line, there were lots of little celebrations along the way for the steps taken, the journey embarked.
So, I have my bag packed. I’m going visiting. Its time I touch base with that old friend again. Its time to pay her a visit … and maybe, just maybe, I can bring a piece of her back with me.
Posted by Prairierose on Jun 15, 2006
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And leadme in the everlasting way. - Psalm 139:23-24
You know, I didn’t do my usual “fanfare” of “oh, here’s a great book, I’m going to follow along” with this one. I just decided to put things into action instead of just giving it lip service. I am looking for a “constant” - something that will help me bring God daily into my life, to put more thought to what it means to be a Christian, and…well, a whole slew of other reasons. To start a project that has a beginning and an end. I’ve had this book forever — so its not something I went out and bought to do this.
So, we are Day 4, and the thoughts, the doubts are arising. Am I just giving this lip service? I’m writing the words, but am I walking the walk? (although…Daisy did a wonderful Tasty Tuesday that address this). Sandy’s comment yesterday encourages me to keep on doing this. Never really thought about it this way, but I have moved to “writing article” stage, and that does give me a sense of satisfacation. That maybe, just maybe, I do have something worth saying. Although, this is more of a process of “being a better Christian” for me, than it is to “write articles” for you.
All of this is to say, I had to smile today, when I opened my book, and flipped to Day 4. When I chose this book last week, I just flipped through it, read a couple of the questions it had towards the back, and thought it would be “do-able” for what I wanted to do. Beyond that, I haven’t read anything else. I haven’t read ahead. I am just doing this, one day at a time. I guess what amazes me is something I said yesterday — and there it is in print today. — that what we do sometimes is a “defense mechanism”. Reading that today, after expounding on it yesterday, and not knowing it was be addressed today — tells me I’m on the right track with this process, with this book.
I don’t want this to be a venture in doing nothing but “copying” out of the book. I want to basically read — and answer the questions they have each day. But. What he says today, I want to share with you. And then….I’ll go from there. Doing this is the “exception”, not the rule to how I will proceed with this book venture.
Read More…
Posted by Prairierose on Jun 14, 2006
Teach me what I cannot see; If I have done wrong, I will not do so again. - Job 34:32
We often lack objectivity as a defense mechanism. We want to be “good Christians”, but somewhere along the line, we lost our objectivity. “Good Christians” don’t have problems. They never are depressed or angry, or deal with painful problems. Where did we lose our objectivity? in childhood? through the growing up process? as we matured through life? Living life like this keeps us in the dark. But living in darkness is more comfortable than living in the light, because we might have to step outside of our comfort zone. Take responsibliity for our actions, and not be able to blame our parents or our children or our friends — or more importantly — blame God — for our problems. The fact is, life is full of problems, of hurts, of less than comfortable, sunshiny, warm and fuzzy things. But we are not to measure our level of belief or how much of a “good” Christian we are by these things. We need to measure our level of being a “good” Christian by our response to all of these things Turn them over to God. “I Surrend All”. Let God take the steering wheel for while. When we do that, then we are being the child of God he wants us to be. He wants to love us, take care of us, comfort us, protect us. But life happens. He doesn’t “cause” those bad things to happen. But he is always there to get us through them. Knowing that, relying on that - THAT is what makes us a “good”Christian and helps us to step out of the darkness and into the light.
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The Search for Significance Devotional
by Robert S McGee
Posted by Prairierose on Jun 13, 2006
The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? the Lord is my defense of my life; Who shall I dread? - Psalm 27:1
How many times do we say “Fine” when people ask us how we are? Now granted, there is a time and a place to devuldge more. Sometimes, a “how are you” is nothing more than a greeting, a “have a nice day” type sentiment. People ask, but its more of just saying to say, and not really “How. Are. You.”. And even if they truly were interested, you need to consider the time, the place, the surroundings if you are going to truly share “how you are”. Because of this, we have conditioned ourselves to just give lip service to the question, and not much thought.
But. How are we? Honestly? When we aren’t honest with others — when there really is something wrong, whether it be big or little — and we insist we are fine, are we being hoenst with them? are we being honest with ourselves? once those walls go up (and believe me, I have a degree in wall building), its hard to let anyone in. Including God. We may pray. We may don the cloak of Christian. But, if we have walls up to protect ourselves from the world, then there is a good chance that a wall seperates us from God as well.
Life is painful. Even under the best of circumstances, there are days, moments of emotional pain, fear of rejection, falling into the trap of people pleasing. We are human.
How we deal with that pain often sets the pattern of our life. Some of us overeat. Or go shopping. Others gamble, drink, become abusive. Others withdraw completely. The list goes on and on. For every person, there is yet another way of “dealing” with the pian. But we all have the same opportunity of dealing with it the same way. Turning it over to God. Being honest with Him. Once we find comfort there, then it becomes easier to share it with those we love and live with here on earth.
How are YOU doing today…..
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The Search for Significance Devotional
by Robert S McGee
Posted by Prairierose on Jun 12, 2006
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. - John 8:32
To be loved unconditionally. What does that feel like? I drive myself crazy sometimes, just trying to be loved or accepted. Trying to win approval. Very often by people that don’t really matter. I do have to admit, though, where I am at this point in my life, there are things that I want to do that don’t have anything to do with what people think of me. I am way beyond that. Losing weight. I want to do just to feel better. To not hurt, to be able to breath, to not find going shopping something to be endured now, to not stand for hours, declining offers to “have a chair”, because its a lawn chair, and I’m afraid of what might happen if I sit in it. I have a hard time accepting that God loves me — even like this. Aren’t we to honor his temple? Look what I have done to it? How is that honoring him?
But thats where unconditional love comes in. God’s love. He loves us - no matter what. Christ paid for my sins. But I live in a world of sin. In a world where everyone has emotional baggage. If I could totally grasp the concept of unconditional love, forgiveness and acceptance of God, then I wouldn’t turn to food for comfort. I woudln’t spend endless hours on the computer, searching for the “warm fuzzy feeling” of contentment — in a new layout, or a new friendship, or postive comments on something I had just wrote.
How can I honor him? to turn those tempatations, that emotional baggage over to Him, and let HIM be my comfort food. To make heathier choices along the way. He’s going to love me either way; but if I can get beyond the physical side of how I feel, then my attention can be focused on what He has to offer at His table. Unconditional Love. Forgiveness. Acceptance. What better feast could we ask for?
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The Search for Significance Devotional
by Robert S McGee
Posted by Prairierose on May 31, 2006
Neither one of us were home ALL day — needless to say, nothing got done :(
Posted by Prairierose on May 31, 2006
– Wednesday’s List –
|
CAROLYN
-Get dressed to lace up shoes
- Continue decluttering desk
- Shine sink before going to bed
- LBY: Finish Video Intro
- LBY: Lesson 3
|
ETHAN
-Finish anything not marked off yesterday
-Sort sock bin
-Clean off Bread Box
-Laundry washed & dried |
Posted by Prairierose on May 27, 2006
Forecast:
Very Warm. Breezy. Partly Cloudy In The Morning Then Clearing. Near Record
Highs Around 92. South Winds 15 To 25 Mph With Gusts To Around 35 Mph.
Take Notice
There is a quote that I like, but now I can’t find it - but I did find this one that pretty much says the same thing… It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action.
I’ve spent a good many hour here “taking notice”. Planning. Thinking about it. Talking about it. But notice the pattern? Nothing. Gets. Done. Or if it does, just a few slivers off of a redwood tree. Now its time to take action.
Action — for today.
I would eventually like weekends to be “play days” for us. But since we are just beginning this new venture, I don’t want to wait until next week to start making a difference. Once we get closer to the “maintaining” stage instead of the “chipping off” stage, then maybe our weekends can be our play days.
Keep reading. —> Read More…
Posted by Prairierose on May 17, 2006
Thirst-Quenching
Water is essential to life. A tree does not hoard moisture for itself. It travels through the framework of the tree, and oxygen and moisture are given off into air. Christians are to do the same thing. We must be well hydrated in the God’s Word to be able to give back that what he gives us so richly. If we are empty and dry, we can attempt to give the appearance of being a healthy “tree”, but eventually, the undernorishment of God living in our lives will show. Going to the living water daily will keep us healthy, spiritually.
The last “drink” of truth I had from the word of God was … a couple of days ago when I saw God’s hand leading to me answers that I was seeking.
Posted by Prairierose on May 16, 2006
Power Naps
Only one thing is required for people to take power naps — to be ableto fall asleep immediately, and then to sleep only for 15 - 20 minutes…waking up, feeling refreshed and ready to go. You have to be able to turn off the mind. Not think, not worry, not fret about ongoing events in our lives.
The Lord is with us always. We need to turn those worries over to him, so that we can sleep, peacefully, without worrys or frets. He is there to help fight our battles. But he is also there to hold onto the worries, so that we dont’ have to. They will be there in the morning. Sleep. Rest. Trust.
The most relaxed place I can remember is – these days is early mornings. My CPAP has done its job through the night, and just being able to lay there, even on my back, breathing without having to work at it. Its truly a great sense of peace. I have my CPAP set on a 5-minute “ramp” — it takes 5 minutes to build up to the appropriate amount of air that needs to be blowing down my throat. Those first 5 minutes, I have to really concentrate on not going into panic mode. Breath in, breath out. I have found that if I pray through those minutes, it takes my mind off the fact that I have to struggle to breath. But it also gives me an inner sense of peace. Which very often then interlocks in with reaching the physical point of actually breathing easier. Or, alot of nights, I think I am asleep before those 5 minutes have ticked by. I go to bed these days, without the worries of finances or things I’m worried that David might find out. They just aren’t there anymore. God has brought me to an acceptable point in my life in one area, an area that I can live with, and is acceptable and welcomed by my husband as well. I can sleep in peace — brought on by ending the day with thanking God for the many blessings he has given me.
Posted by Prairierose on May 15, 2006
I have to chuckle. I really do. I thumbed through this book last night, but didn’t look at it specifically, page by page. Tonight — instead of starting with “January 1″ — I went to May 15.
“We Interrupt Your Life…” is the title. The gist of the devotion for today is caring for your aging parents. How life doesn’t always turn out the way we planned. Yes, we might live longer, but so do our parents. Well, that didn’t happen in my case, but the words of wisdom about caring for “elderly family” still applies. How timely is that? Another “God moment” if you ask me.
I won’t do this every day with this devotion book…but because this applies so much to where I am right now — here is a quote from the book:
Take positive steps if you find yourself in the role of caregiver for eldery parents. It helps to have a friend you can visit with from time to time — someone who isn’t too close to the situation. You need the perspective he or she can give. It also helps to find a support group of people who have learned how to care for their parents with wisdom and joy.
Start each day by saying “I’ll do my best today,” and avoid criticizing yourself for not doing everything perfectly. Take care of yourself! you can’t help anyone if you get sick due to lack of rest, poor nutrition or stress.
Above all, make your caregiving an act of love and not obligation. Ask the Lord for His grace and His peace to surround you, and whisper prayers to Him throughout the day.
Man. Talk about from my mouth to God’s ears. All that confusion, all those questions yesterday. And today he pushes this devotion at me. It makes sense. And, I have no doubt this was God talking to me, so “Like or Or Not” — I am going to follow his suggestions here. To do my best. To work harder on the nutrition and getting my healthy back at a tolerateable level (its not right now.). And to serve … with love. And to pray, pray, pray.
The devotion book has a “journal question” each day. Those I will copy each day, and answer to the best of my ability.
How can my hands act as the hands of God? By not fighting this emotional battle within myself where my aunt is concerned. Go visit her. Love her, and be there for her in this last days. Share my faith with her. Has she made peace with God yet? Make peace with myself to be able to love her in these final days. Make peace with myself for not having that chance with my mom. Pray for her. Pray for His peace for me.
Posted by Prairierose on May 15, 2006
In the chaotic world of sorting out my feelings, working 2 jobs, keeping up with friends and family, living my life as I think Christ would want me to …. I just find myself going in circle. Alot of the craziness is self-induce though.
Last week had a “good” feel to it. I had a center point for my thoughts, my actions, even with my blogging.
I am still happy with the layout of this blog, so I will continue on with it. I do have some other themes in the wings, but don’t have them completely updated, but they are there. I had a Mother Day graphic up; and I am not so scared of people coming here to read, so I have moved on from the “Dance” theme … but contining with the same look. I can live with just changing the top picture. Matter of fact, have several waiting … but they have a “summer time” feel to them, so will wait until June or so to change it out again. For someone who is constanting changing things here…this is a huge step forward for me.
So, true to nature, if I’m not lost in seeking the contentment of “the look”, I shift gears, and now, it seems to lie within the content. Not necessarily all of it. Doing the “a day in the life of” entry is the main purpose of this blog, and I do that fairly consistiently and am happy with with.
But, as usual, I want more. I have blog entries waiting to be finished. I have entries finished and waiting for the time stamp date to arrive. But. I would like to add a consistent “Day 1, Day 2, Day 3″ kind of entry. My first thought was a “self improvement” kind of thing. Definately could benefit from that. And I have half a dozen books laid out, that would follow the format that I’m seeking. But, I can’t decide.
And then, I came across “the” perfect book last night. Why is it perfect? Because — its not “all about me”. Its a daily devotional book, finding refreshment in quiet reflection. In other words, if I want to do a consistent “day by day” thing … let’s spend it with God. It just made sense. And thats the direction I’m going.
I still want to work through “Believing God” and “Purpose Driven Life” — and I do have them linked on the sidebar. But I’m putting them in “pages” not “posts”. So, they will only show up if you click on the link. They won’t show up as actual posts here. But, if you would like to follow along, feel free to do so. The links are fairly close to the top of the sidebar, under the “About Me” stuff.
So, I will start tonight, and will do it every night before going to bed …. a daily devotion. Consistently. That’s the whole key.
Posted by Prairierose on Apr 28, 2006
Proverbs 1 - 4
Weekly Challenge
Find and quote a scripture from these four chapters that really mean something in your life. Share it with the group.
Proverbs 4:1-5:
1 Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. 2 I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. 3 When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, 4 he taught me and said, “Lay hold of my words with all your heart, keep my commands and you will live. 5 Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.
I see the importance of passing on, or starting a tradition of teaching my children openly about God and everything He has told us in the Bible. This is something that should be passed down from generation to generation; and yet, its not an excuse not to have faith. If my parents didn’t instruct me how to love our God, how to live a Godly life, then it is my responsiblity to find out how, and pass it down to my children, who, if it is done right, can pass it down to their children, and God will be known for generations to come. The best legacy I can leave my children and grandchildren is wisdom. The wisdom of understanding and following God. If I do only that, there is no greater gift I can give them. I would be passing on the gift of eternal life that was given to me through Christ on the cross. It is my duty and responsiblity to do that. My testimony should include the mistakes and doubts I have had along the way. They need to know that being a Christian doesn’t come in a nice neat little package, that being a follower of Christ guarantees you a problem-free life. Its how I incorporate my faith in those dark times that is the real tribute to God and what He does for me.
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Wednesday Wonders
Due May 3
