A Prairie View

Nothing To Hide

Matt (my middle son) is not the only one who has come a long ways. He comes by his stupid mistakes honestly. It took me a bit longer than it did him, but I do feel like I turn a corner in my life, and I am able to be “just like everyone else”, in some respects. It wasn’t always that way. I would purchase something that wasn’t budgeted, and then I’d be afraid to tell David. I would try to “fix” it with the next round of paychecks — by just not paying a bill. Which I would “fix” the next round of paychecks. See how this might snowball out of control? Well. It did. I would get desperate. I didn’t know about fast cash payday loans during those days, or I would have tried getting getting them to fix what I shouldn’t have done in the first place. Or, maybe not so much not doing — but rather just telling David right away. Yes, he probably would have been mad or upset. But not nearly as mad or upset as he was when things had snowballed out of control and I finally got the courage to tell him….several thousands of dollars of debt later. No to mention late bills, ruined credit. All the while, he thought everything was just fine.

I look back and question my actions. We finally found some middle ground — our own accounts. And slowly, giving me responsibility for one little bill. And then another. It made me feel like I was contributing to the financial part of our marriage, and yet, he wasn’t turning total control over to me. In the past year, I have payed off my Explorer, have our house payments paid ahead (like — through November!) — and if I continue making the house payments like I have been, our house will be paid off next year. I can take pride in my actions now. I even opened a checking account - again - with David’s permission, and have been totally responsible with it, never allowing it to be overdrawn. My account is accessible on line, and I have told David he has full access to it. I have nothing to hide. THAT is a good feeling.